English

January 15th. Evening.

I've talked to him again. We didn't talk much, I tried to tell him, to show him that I missed him, and that I'm a bit disappointed. Probably disappointed of myself ... cause I trusted him.

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3 weeks ago I was in a bus coming from Budapest. It left from Vienna. I was one of the passengers.

It entered Romania for awhile. But I wasn't glad. Why? Because I wanted to be away ... I wanted to stop thinking about him... His missing was suffocating me. We were close to Arad. It was almost evening. Sitting on that seat all the way from Budapest had become monotonous and annoyingly uncomfortable.

English
A few days passed since I've talked to him for the very first time. I remember perfectly that Friday night that I spent with him. I went to sleep at 4AM and I could hardly let him go.

What had happened that night? What did we do? Nothing, we just talked. And that's all. But he charmed me. Saturday I waited for him to sign in again, to talk again. I thought that I would die because of his missing. I've consoled myself with some music.

He hasn't signed that evening.
Another day has passed. Sunday. I waited again. But this time he signed. We joked. We laughed. We talked. About us, about fantasies, about situations. About life.

The hours passed quickly. Days passed in which I was always thinking of him. I've covered myself with other things trying to forget about him even for a few minutes. We've talked a little the following weekend. And the following weekend after the other one. Since then, however, we hadn't talked anymore.

I felt that I would break in two pieces if I won't talk to him soon. I was looking around me and saw things, people that made me relate them immediately to him. Dani, Cluj, missing.

I cried about his missing, but I could not tell him. I sent him some messages to which I didn't get a reply. Messages that were not connected to us. There were wishes for Christmas and New Year. Still ... I was listening to music and crying. Not because I was mat at him, but because I was missing him.

I continued to hope that we will talk sometime soon. I wondered why he disappeared so suddenly. We didn't have a fight. Which part of "You're special" has been lost on the way?

English
It's funny. I can't realize what made me like him that much. After that discussion I wished I could talk to him once again and tell him how much I missed him. Was it because he kept throwing with compliments at me, or because it was so nice to talk with him?

I don't know. All I know is he charmed me.
"There are many children who know many more things about life than some 18 teenagers." I said.

"You are one of them"
"I don't know, I don't think so. I never thought about myself as someone special. In fact, I have a very bad impression about myself."
"Boys like you are very smart, and they can understand life better than anyone else. You seem very mature, like you've lived for 50 years." he said.

Was he sincere?

"There might not have been 50, but 15 have."
What made him tell me all these things? Why did he have to say them? Just to take my minds away and disappear? What did he want from his life? What were his dreams?

"I wish I could do anything to have a happy life, a peaceful, a free one without many problems. And I wish I could help my favorite soccer team."
At least he had a dream. At least he wasn't confused about what he was wishing from his life.
It was my turn. Should I tell him how naive am I?

English
He has been on my Y!Messenger list for a few months. We haven't been talking that much about us. We probably had no idea about each other or how we are. He had a fantasy; to masturbate with a boy.

I've forgot his ID in my list. For a few months. During these months I've barely saw him online and I've tried not to start a discussion with him while he was online. I don't know why. Maybe because it made no sense to start one though.

22nd of November. "Who do you vote with?". I saluted him and politely said that I can't vote. I'm under the legal age. Neither was he, but he was just asking. He couldn't fulfill his fantasy yet. He told me that I have a nice look.

15 Minutes. "Frankly, you are a very interesting person...you can teach anyone something...". Was he trying to flatter me? I've tried to stop it: "If you are going to compliment me and forget about me, I'd prefer you wouldn't do that in the first place." Maybe if he would've stopped there, I would've been unable to feel how it is to truly miss someone.

"I'm sincere. I've been talking to many people but you are special".